My four kinds of prayer

The Catholic Church teaches that there are three forms of prayer: vocal, meditation, and contemplative. I joke with my friends by saying that I use four types of prayer, not just the three defined by the Church; I add “avoidance” prayer to the list. Avoidance prayer is the usage of any other kind of prayer in order to avoid listening to what God has to say to me. Really though, this is a joke and there is no “avoidance prayer.” I find that I can go through the motions of everything but contemplative prayer and not actually listen to God. I have learned that I can praise Him without feeling like it, I can read scriptures and other devotionals without really feeling anything, I can partake in liturgies and not really open my heart, and I can even spend time “listening” to God without actually listening to Him (because I listen only for those things that I want to hear.) All-in-all I am pretty good at this “avoidance prayer.”

It is not true that when we talk we cannot truly listen? So when I go before the Lord and talk, talk, talk, I often feel better (having gotten all that stuff of my chest,) and I am then tempted to end my prayer “feeling better” and thinking that the feeling comes from God. But how would you like it if you have a friend that said, “Let’s spend time together everyday,” and then when the time came they talked, talked, and talked, and then said, “Wow I feel much better now. You’re a great friend. Talk to you later! Bye!,” and then left. What kind of a relationship is that? A very one-sided relationship I would say. Well, I will admit that I am often that talkative friend of God’s. Not because I am wholly rude and inconsiderate, but because I know that if I let Him get a word in, He might ask me to change; to do something that I don’t want to do (because of my fallen, sinful tendencies.) So I avoid listening to Him by talking and then leaving.

I am far from a being perfect man, and thus I have much that needs to change. I often lack the desire to change and I pray to God that He might give me such a desire. However, until I “feel” like changing, I often use avoidance prayer to pretend I have an o.k. relationship with Him, when in fact I do not. If I am not truly listening to the Lord and open in my heart to change, then I am not truly in a good relationship with Him. I know this in my head, but hopefully someday it will take root deeper in my heart.

I can relate to Saint Augustine when he once prayed, “Lord change me, but not yet.” Oh how I feel like that so often! I pray that the Lord gives me the desire to want to change every aspect of my life that is not fully united to Him. I pray this prayer for everyone.