Counter Intuitive

Last night I was discussing the behavior of "fitting in." Reflecting on this, I remember what I was a child and so greatly desired to "fit in" with all the other kids. When I think of it a little further, I realize that I was trying to fit in not just at school, but at home, in my extended family, pretty everywhere I went. I have heard that this is fairly common for children. It has something to do with growing up.

Like usual, I try to fit everything into my religious view of the world, and I came to the conclusion that God made us in such a way that we want to "fit in", or to "belong". But in God's great creation, we are given the desire to belong not simply for earthly reasons of survival, but so that we would desire to "belong" to Him. I believe that our wanting to "belong" here, is a reflection of our longing to belong to God's community. Ultimately we want to "fit in" in heaven. We want to be part of a group of people who all have a common thread - unbounded love of God and being loved by God in return. (perhaps I got the order of those two loves backwards, oops).

Anyway, the discussion led to the topic of differences among people. Here in our American culture we easily get so caught up wanting to belong (which nastily turns into conforming) that some people coerce others. We almost all have had experiences where an 'adult bully' at work or elsewhere tries to be the one that everyone must conform to. They get really mad and out of control when someone resists them or crosses them. It's often "my way or the highway," and they have no problem making your life hell unless you conform to their ways. This view on life is sad because it does not take account for the blessing it is to have differences. These people act like "If the whole world were like me, it would be a better place." What pile of crap, huh?

We talked about how differences are a great thing and should be lauded and cherished. The Catholic Church teaches that the Lord made us all in His image, but unique and unrepeatable. So why focus on only the commonalities? Of course this little piece of revelation hit me pretty hard. At school we talk about management styles and so forth, and I have been convicted that my style is not very good (not very developed is more like the truth.) I tend to instinctively have a "conform to me" style. That is, I like to think through everything as thoroughly as possible, make some conclusions, and base my decision on that. There is nothing wrong with this as long as I live in a world by myself. In reality, other people think differently than I do and respond to things differently. So what may be best for me is not always best for others. Further, what I conclude may not line up with reality - it is only guaranteed to line up with my perception of reality - very different things most of the time. So I have been learning to surround myself with people who are like me in the big fundamental things, but very different than me in the the way they perceive the world. I am learning to appreciate these differences and rely on the diversity to help me grow in my understanding of people and God. In management I will need to rely on this diversity to help me make recommendations that I may never have come up with on my own.

It seems that our culture could use a little more appreciation of difference and a little less focus on similarity. It is a difficult uphill battle because of the way this country was founded. We were a bunch of people from different cultures, histories, and backgrounds, and we had to come together to build a nation. We needed to focus on what brought us together, those things that bind us. Because of the division of Church and State, religion could not be a national binding factor, we had to find other things, and we did. Because of this, as Americans are brought up with the value of finding the commonalities and minimizing the differences. But this has now come back to plague us as a people. Perhaps in the early founding days of this country, the differences were so huge and obvious that they were properly utilized. But now, we have our own American culture and "sameness," and difference gets lost.

In the big scheme of creation, God made us different so that we would need one another. So that we could do things in cooperation that would be impossible on our own (America would not exist if not for diverse cooperation.) To more perfectly reflect the image of the Trinity.