Pondering parenting and such things

I cannot help as a newly married man to occasionally ponder about parenting. While I am not yet expecting, I do not think it is ever to early to think about such eventualities.

Last night I was having a conversation with my wife about this topic because it dawned on me that having and raising children will show me all of my flaws and weaknesses. In more than one way - I will have to confront my selfishness and laziness, but more so, my children will do whatever I do. I will be teaching them what is acceptable or not by how I act - all the time. How I treat my wife, how I treat guests, how I treat anyone. They will be watching and storing all in their little heads. Then when it comes time for them to act, they will be mini-me's doing all the things that I do - good or bad. I will see my flaws and weaknesses come to life - but taken to the extreme - as children are so great at doing. My behavior will be under the microscope of my children.

So what will they learn? What will I teach them? Will I make an effort to act (or not to act) certain ways, or will I just simply "be myself" and let happen whatever happens? Will I make an effort to change for the sake of the kingdom of God, or have I grown to tolerate my own behavior? The scary thing to me, is that I am sure that I am blind to many of my faults and bad behaviors. I do not doubt that my children will shock me as they imitate their father. I'm sure I will find myself asking my wife, "Do I really do that? Do I really say those things? Am I really like that?", followed by, "Heaven help me! Give me the grace to see my faults and the courage to change my ways!"

Ooooh, I can't wait to have kids... (note the dripping sarcasm). Really, I'm sure there is a grace for raising children and for changing my ways. I'm sure the joy of having children will outweigh the pains of dying to my old selfish ways. (I hope).

This bring me to my other point. What is my vision for raising children? I get closer to that answer every day, but I believe that it have something to do with creating a "domestic church." That is, a place where the Trinity is mirrored in all its glory. A place where like the Pope, I am the head of the family and I am responsible for the spiritual (and physical) well-being of everyone under my care. Like the Pope has the cardinals and bishops, I have help carrying out my duties of caring for my flock. I must make sure that my flock receives the Good News about the kingdom. I must make sure that my flock has the opportunity to encounter Christ. I must be Christ to my family - I must, with my wife (since we are really one), be the image of God to my children - showing them God's love and mercy. But I must also, in the appropriate time, respect their free will. I must teach them the boundaries given to us by God and then let them freely choose to love God of their own volition. As God let me stray for a time so that I could be stronger, I must be able to let go of my parenting instincts of protection and pray that I will see my children in heaven.

I have a lot to work on until that day. So let the games begin! My I run the race as if to win!